Sunday, January 24, 2010

This is getting serious...

I feel as if I am on the verge of a shift, a shift in my being, a shift in my life. I suppose infertility has brought me to the place I am today, although I have been on a spiritual path for a few years now.

It started back in 2005 when I found myself teaching in an inner city school with no real experience other than student teaching in an all white suburban school. I thought I was going to be like Michelle Pfeiffer's character in Dangerous Minds, except for me there would be no happy ending.

To deal with the daily struggle of feeling inadequate, I began attending a meditation class at InVision. This would be the beginning of my spiritual journey.

It is funny how much you learn and grow when you are going through a rough patch in your life. How often do you decide to make life changes when everything is going perfectly?

I converted to Catholism in 2003. I had been attending church with my husband, then boyfriend every week for eight years. I felt like it was the right thing to do and no longer feeling a connection to the Lutheran church I attended as a child, I wanted to be married in his church.

Now, praying for a conception miracle, but realistically looking towards IVF as our only means by which to have a child, I am reassessing my choice to be a Catholic. I am exploring my spirituality without the constructs of the Catholic church. What is my personal relationship with God and how will that relationship play out in my life?


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