Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Pinch Me

I am still having a hard time believing this is real. The "PREGNANT" on my digital test faded this morning and it made me sad. Like I'm not pregnant anymore. The blood test came back normal, so that's exciting. It's not a hysterical pregnancy like the character on Glee had. I am beginning to process everything that has happened and all of the people including my husband who said it was impossible. I have been unbelievably blessed.

I am going in for more blood work tomorrow and Saturday. They want to make sure that my numbers are doubling. Then, if everything looks good, I will have an ultrasound on Friday, May 7th. Let the countdown begin.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


After booking my consult for IVF, I felt confident that I was taking a step in the right direction. When I woke up this morning, I thought I would take a test. A part of me thought what is the point, but I am a POASaholic after all.

Then, I looked and it said, "PREGNANT". What?! Holy shit! I was crying and hugging my husband. I am having a hard time believing it is real. I am going in for blood work today after work. Wow. I am still in shock and awe.

Monday, April 19, 2010


I had an amazing dream over the weekend that really changed my perspective. I was at the airport waiting for a flight. My friend, Marta was there. I met Marta at a fertility yoga class at Pulling Down the Moon. Marta kept taking short flights to places, coming back to the airport again and taking another flight elsewhere. All the while, I waited. I had trouble finding the place to check in and I was frustrated and concerned I was going to miss my flight.

After processing the dream, I thought I should try IVF. The general feeling in my dream was worry and frustration. I needed to find out how to check in to make sure I wouldn't miss my plane.

I called to make an appointment for an IVF consult for a week from today. I found a place that had a coupon online. I know a coupon for medical treatment seems like a really strange concept, but if a coupon is what it takes to get the job done, I'm all for it.

Friday, April 16, 2010


My sister says that my stop signs are brick walls asking if I want it back enough to knock them down. I guess she read that Last Lecture book. Maybe I really don't want to do IVF, but I can't help feeling like things should be falling into place a little more if this is the direction I am meant to go in. She disagreed. Sometimes I feel like she just likes to argue with me. People are seemingly less patient with me when I talk about my journey to better health. My husband says that it makes others feel bad about themselves, but all I know is I am normally a well liked person who suddenly seems not to be so well liked. I hope I don't sound elitist. I am just finding everything I read so interesting that I want to share it with the people closest to me. Is that so wrong?

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Getting Stop Signs

I went to a Resolve meeting last night - a support group for those struggling with infertility. They offered their stories and suggestions. One talked about going to another state for less expensive IVF which seems like a good option. Another discussed trying to be a part of a clinical trial. I searched online for fertility clinics when I got home and very few clinics put their prices on the site so it's difficult to tell who is affordable or not. I searched for clinical trials and found one in New York. I filled out the paperwork online, but I am hesitant. First of all, it's in New York so it would require me to make 20-25 trips to New York for the next 6 months or so. It also requires a series of tests to get started, including genetic testing which can run upwards of $500 just for the one test. So I feel like this is a stop sign. There are so many things that are getting in the way of us going through IVF, whether it's not having insurance, the price, the distance to an affordable clinic, etc. Nothing seems to be giving us the green light.

I emailed the organization that I ordered the online consults with. I would have hoped to have heard something from them by now since I finished filling out the intake form on Monday. I told them I'd like a refund. I am hoping they are able to do that for me. I have been feeling really guilty about spending so much.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

I straightened my basement for the good part of the morning and bought a few things to start planting my seeds tomorrow. I purchased an online consultation to have my Chinese medical diagnosis and to have some herbs prescribed. I realize that I have been eating poorly all of my life and I was hoping some herbs will help me to get my body in tip top shape a little quicker.

I bought it online on Friday. I received an intake form to fill out late Monday afternoon and I finished it up and sent it back by the close of the business day on Monday. As of now, I haven't heard back from them. I didn't realize it was a completely e-mail consult. I thought I would be talking to someone on the phone. I don't quite understand how they are going to fully diagnose my issues just having read an intake form - no follow up questions. Oh well. What is done is done. I guess I will continue to wait.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I have been on a holistic kick lately, learning all I can about holistic health, wellness and diet. I have been listening to the Holistic Health and Wellness podcast. They had a recent episode on holistic fertility. I ended up having a phone consultation with the woman who was on the podcast. She gave me a few good suggestions and recommended I have consults with two other people in her office. In hindsight, I wish I would have waited before purchasing the sessions, but if they help me get pregnant or healthier then it really won't matter.

I, also went for a Mayan Abdominal Massage yesterday. They say it can help with blocked tubes. The woman said there was tension in my lower abdomen and lower back. She taught me how to do these massage techniques at home and gave me other ideas to help.

I had a dream the other night that my favorite intuitive, Colette Baron-Reid was at my mom's house. I asked her when I would get pregnant and she said June. Of course in real life, Colette would never tell someone when something was going to happen, but maybe my subconscious knows what's going on.

I am enjoying this week off work. I plan on doing some cleaning and organizing, (very uncharacteristic for me) and starting some veggie seeds indoors for my healthy garden this summer.