Friday, January 29, 2010

My Burning Bush

I am listening to the audiobook of Edwene Gaines' Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity. Never having been a reader as a kid, it takes me a long time to read and having so many other hobbies, books tend to sit around my house without being read. The audiobook seemed like a good option and I have a hard copy of the book to refer back to should the need arise. I have been listening to it every moment I am able. I am taking advantage of my long commute to grow spiritually. I decided I would take a break from listening to Edwene and listen to Greg Barrette's message about the book. I put in my headphones and began to walk my dog. Barrette told a story of Edwene needing God to send her a burning bush. When she looked up, there was a sign. It said burning brush next 10 miles. She said, "No, it has to be a burning bush." She turned the corner and saw Burning Bush Restuarant. On my walk, my dog stopped to sniff something. I turned around, looked up and I was on Burning Bush Lane.

Monday, January 25, 2010

A Vision for the Future...

I completed my vision board on Monday, January 18th. Every morning since then, I have meditated, reflected on my board and thanked God for everything (even the things I do not have, in the present tense.) One of the things on my board is to find my career's true calling and that it is close to my home. This commute is killing me. Two days later we found out there will be reductions in staff at work. They have no clue how many people will need to go. It all depends on enrollment. Needless to say, I think I am going. I am one of the last ones to be hired and my job is expendable. I am oddly at peace with the whole thing though. If I stay, fine. If I go, that's fine too. I know God has a plan for me and I am willing to let Him do his thing.

I feel as if I am changing. I think those around me are noticing. I don't think they like it. I want them to understand things in the way I understand them. No use fretting about money. It is not ours to begin with. I want to start tithing, giving 10% of my income to who organizations that feed me spiritually. I hope this doesn't cause problems at home.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

This is getting serious...

I feel as if I am on the verge of a shift, a shift in my being, a shift in my life. I suppose infertility has brought me to the place I am today, although I have been on a spiritual path for a few years now.

It started back in 2005 when I found myself teaching in an inner city school with no real experience other than student teaching in an all white suburban school. I thought I was going to be like Michelle Pfeiffer's character in Dangerous Minds, except for me there would be no happy ending.

To deal with the daily struggle of feeling inadequate, I began attending a meditation class at InVision. This would be the beginning of my spiritual journey.

It is funny how much you learn and grow when you are going through a rough patch in your life. How often do you decide to make life changes when everything is going perfectly?

I converted to Catholism in 2003. I had been attending church with my husband, then boyfriend every week for eight years. I felt like it was the right thing to do and no longer feeling a connection to the Lutheran church I attended as a child, I wanted to be married in his church.

Now, praying for a conception miracle, but realistically looking towards IVF as our only means by which to have a child, I am reassessing my choice to be a Catholic. I am exploring my spirituality without the constructs of the Catholic church. What is my personal relationship with God and how will that relationship play out in my life?