I have my first appointment with my midwife tomorrow. I am so excited, but a little nervous as I don't know what to expect. I am planning a water birth at home. My husband and I watched "The Business of Being Born" and it solidified our decision to plan a midwife attended, home birth. I am reading "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth". Very informative. I want to make sure I have all the resources to choose the best birth for me and my little one.

I think all of this is finally sinking in. I am feeling great and enjoying being pregnant. I am so happy to be done with school. I have a lot planned for the summer. I want to make sure the house is cleaned and organized before I go back to school in August since I won't have a lot of time during the school year to get things in order.

I met with my midwife for the first time a couple of weeks ago. She has the same pendant that my mother bought me in Italy. I felt this was a sign and she's awesome. I am going for my first appointment next week.

The last day of school was really tough. We said goodbye to five teachers. It was unbelievably sad. I am blessed that my job was spared. I wish my friends the very best and hope they are able to find something bigger and better.

Pinch Me

I am still having a hard time believing this is real. The "PREGNANT" on my digital test faded this morning and it made me sad. Like I'm not pregnant anymore. The blood test came back normal, so that's exciting. It's not a hysterical pregnancy like the character on Glee had. I am beginning to process everything that has happened and all of the people including my husband who said it was impossible. I have been unbelievably blessed.

I am going in for more blood work tomorrow and Saturday. They want to make sure that my numbers are doubling. Then, if everything looks good, I will have an ultrasound on Friday, May 7th. Let the countdown begin.

OH MY GOD!

After booking my consult for IVF, I felt confident that I was taking a step in the right direction. When I woke up this morning, I thought I would take a test. A part of me thought what is the point, but I am a POASaholic after all.

Then, I looked and it said, "PREGNANT". What?! Holy shit! I was crying and hugging my husband. I am having a hard time believing it is real. I am going in for blood work today after work. Wow. I am still in shock and awe.

Dreamin'

I had an amazing dream over the weekend that really changed my perspective. I was at the airport waiting for a flight. My friend, Marta was there. I met Marta at a fertility yoga class at Pulling Down the Moon. Marta kept taking short flights to places, coming back to the airport again and taking another flight elsewhere. All the while, I waited. I had trouble finding the place to check in and I was frustrated and concerned I was going to miss my flight.

After processing the dream, I thought I should try IVF. The general feeling in my dream was worry and frustration. I needed to find out how to check in to make sure I wouldn't miss my plane.

I called to make an appointment for an IVF consult for a week from today. I found a place that had a coupon online. I know a coupon for medical treatment seems like a really strange concept, but if a coupon is what it takes to get the job done, I'm all for it.

What?

My sister says that my stop signs are brick walls asking if I want it back enough to knock them down. I guess she read that Last Lecture book. Maybe I really don't want to do IVF, but I can't help feeling like things should be falling into place a little more if this is the direction I am meant to go in. She disagreed. Sometimes I feel like she just likes to argue with me. People are seemingly less patient with me when I talk about my journey to better health. My husband says that it makes others feel bad about themselves, but all I know is I am normally a well liked person who suddenly seems not to be so well liked. I hope I don't sound elitist. I am just finding everything I read so interesting that I want to share it with the people closest to me. Is that so wrong?

Getting Stop Signs

I went to a Resolve meeting last night - a support group for those struggling with infertility. They offered their stories and suggestions. One talked about going to another state for less expensive IVF which seems like a good option. Another discussed trying to be a part of a clinical trial. I searched online for fertility clinics when I got home and very few clinics put their prices on the site so it's difficult to tell who is affordable or not. I searched for clinical trials and found one in New York. I filled out the paperwork online, but I am hesitant. First of all, it's in New York so it would require me to make 20-25 trips to New York for the next 6 months or so. It also requires a series of tests to get started, including genetic testing which can run upwards of $500 just for the one test. So I feel like this is a stop sign. There are so many things that are getting in the way of us going through IVF, whether it's not having insurance, the price, the distance to an affordable clinic, etc. Nothing seems to be giving us the green light.

I emailed the organization that I ordered the online consults with. I would have hoped to have heard something from them by now since I finished filling out the intake form on Monday. I told them I'd like a refund. I am hoping they are able to do that for me. I have been feeling really guilty about spending so much.